Glad thats over!
It came…and it went, and I made it! Yep, I’m talking about the dreading 1st Mother’s Day without my Mother. It was a day I had been dreading for quite a while. I built it up in my mind to be this day that was going to be full of sadness and grumpiness and just plain old unhappiness.
Yes, it was all of that, but so much more. I was lucky enough to wake up at the beach at my Aunt and Uncles house, with Jay and Grace and a beautiful morning. I was also lucky enough to wake up to emails, text messages and voice mails from my dear family and friends letting me know they they loved me and were thinking of me - all before 7:30 in the morning.
Mom was the first thing on my mind yesterday and the last one before I went to sleep. She was in my head the entire day. From start to finish with no break. I told Jay to keep my busy - I just did not want to have a complete breakdown. He did a great job - after we left Auntie M and Uncle T in NMB. we cruised up the 17 to Sunset Island and checked out their fancy new bridge. Next, we went and scoped out the Alderson Family vacation house for summer 2011 at OIB. After that, we drove up to Southport for a ferry ride to Ft. Fisher. (Grace’s favorite part of the day by far!) We drove from Ft. Fisher up to Wilmington for lunch at a restaurant I’d been excited to try for a long time, K-38. THEN we went and saw my best friend, Heidi, who just purchased her first house with her fiance, Seth last week. It was so nice to see her and their new digs. By this time, it was time to hit the long straight drive down 40 to come home.
That’s when it happened. Those tears I had run away from all day got me. I had been trying rest and of course, my mind drifted right to my Mama. I couldn’t remember what I did for her last year for Mother’s Day. I lost it. I cried and cried and cried. I miss my Mama. I felt so much better once those tears were gone. Poor Jay, just drove the car with no chance of calming me down. He just let me cry. Thankfully, Grace was deep into a dvd in the back seat.
Over these last months, I’ve learned so valuable life lessons. One of the most important is that you have to grieve. You just have too. You can’t run from it - it will get you just like it got me. I’m glad it got me - I felt a weight lifted off of my heart. I’m sure its coming again, it still comes in waves. True, the waves are further apart and not as big, but they still come and crash and hurt me.
