Letters to Mama
Hi Mama,
I miss you. We all do. Its just not the same without you. I’m having a shitty day today and I really miss being able to pick up the phone and call you to get your advice. I’m trying to learn it on my own and I think I’m too young to have to do that. I still need my Mama’s advice even though I’m 30.
I wonder about you all the time. What is heaven like? Who do you see? Can you see us? What is God like? Are there really gates to heaven? Do you really sit on clouds? Are you responsible for the butterflies? What would you get for Grace for Christmas if you were still alive? What would I get for you for Christmas if you were still alive?
Your picture is every where I go so I don’t forget what you look like and I sleep in a pair of your pj’s just about every night. For some reason, it makes me feel closer to you. Maybe if I wear what you wore when you slept, you’ll come to me in my dreams while I sleep?
I hate the phrase - “Life goes on.” Do you know why? Because it does. Sometimes I wish I could rewind all this back just one year and somehow be a mind reader and get you to the doctor. But, life goes on… and now your loved ones are expected to “go on.” Most days, I do a pretty good job at going on. So does the rest of your family. But there are those days, like today, when I wish the “going on” would just stop and you would come back to me.
I kinda sorta know that you are ok. I kinda sorta know that I’m ok. I wish I was 100% sure we were both ok.
I love you and I miss you.
Beth
