One Sweet World

You know how when you start a new school year, one of the first assignments you receive from your teacher is to write a paper about what you did on your summer vacation?

I feel the need to write that paper as a 30 year old.

The beginning of summer started out pretty amazing.  We had lots of plans, parties and pool days. We were visited by some of our best college friends, the Harcourt’s, we went to Wilmington for the 4th of July to see a favorite band play, we went to our best friends, the Pool’s beach house for a long weekend, etc.

On July 9th, that all changed. I will never forget it as long as I live. My mom had gone to the doctor on July 8th for the first time in as long as I can remember.  We were all nervous about what the doctor was going to say was causing her extreme fatigue. They did the blood work and Mom and I texted the entire time she was there.

The following day, I had just seen the Harcourt’s off and was getting ready to start prepping for a surprise engagement party at our house that night for Ben and Emily. Mom called. I answered. She said that she had some bad news. That Dad was on the way home because she was instructed to go to the emergency room immediately due to anemia. She was going to need several blood transfusions. I stayed on the phone with her the entire time she waited for Dad to get home. We talked positive - “I’m sure its just an ulcer”, “I’m sure you will be fine”, “Don’t be scared”, “You’ll feel so much better soon”, etc. Then she admitted to me that she was scared.. out of her mind more scared than she has ever been. Amongst her tears, I tried to calm her and give her some bravery. I couldn’t because I was just as scared.

She was admitted to the emergency room after almost an all day wait. They started the blood transfusion and the doctor felt a “mass” in her abdomen while checking her out.  It was about 4:30. Mom called and told me. I left the house with a party beginning in a hour and rushed to Rex. On the way, I spoke with my brother, Buddy. He said a sentence to me that has unfortunately stuck with me for the last 115 days. Those words were - “B, I think our lives are about to be turned upside down.”

I stayed at the hospital long enough to become a total emotion wreck.  My Mom, who just days earlier had been shopping with me, jumping off a pontoon boat and babysitting my little girl was being admitted to the hospital for 4 blood transfusions and an “abnormal mass” in her abdomen.  After reassurance from my Mom, I left to go host the party at my house.  I was a crying mess. I couldn’t stop and it wasn’t long before I had to excuse myself and go to bed after taking some Tylenol PM.

The next day was Saturday and we found out my Mom had cancer.

Up until that point in my life, it was the worst day for my family. We sobbed, we questioned God, we hugged, held hands and struggled to grasp what was happening to us. Us -my family. Why my family? Why my Mama?

Sunday was the first day of the annual Alderson family vacation at Ocean Isle Beach. With a broken heart, (yep - it could break even more) I sent my husband and daughter off to the beach after a visit with us at the hospital.  In comes one of the silly gulls, Michelle. The time I was home alone, I wasn’t alone at all. She came and stayed with me, made sure I was fed and made sure I had wine. She sat up with me and let me cry my eyes out for hours at a time.

By Tuesday of that week, my Mom had many, many tests completed on her. And after much questioning myself, my mom, my family and my friends, I decided to head down to the beach for the rest of vacation. It is something I will regret for the rest of my life. You see, we had some good news at that time. The doctors had come to the conclusion that Mom would be able to start chemo asap and possibly even have surgery that would allow her to live a pretty decent life for some years to come.

Yes, colon cancer was going to kill her eventually, but not to worry, we still had some good time left with her. I even asked her oncology doctor if it was a good idea for me to go be with my husband, child and others. He said for me to go. So, on Tuesday, after wearing my Mom’s wedding rings while she had yet another procedure done, I was off. Torn, crying, sad and needing to hold Jay and Grace.

Mom and I were in almost constant contact while I was gone. We texted and we chatted morning, noon and night. (Except when she was sleeping my my brother told me to bug off.)

Sunday, I literally couldn’t leave the beach fast enough. I got to the hospital as quickly as I could and thought I might just hug my Mama forever. At this point, Mom and Dad had been in the hospital for 10 days. Dad refused leave Mama’s side ,and Mama refused to allow him too.

On Monday, we got Mom an inpatient transfer to UNC North Carolina Cancer Center in Chapel Hill. She had to ride in a ambulance. She was furious. It hurt her so bad. It caused her so much pain - the ride was bumpy. We were just trying to get her the best news possible and thought she needed a specialist. After meeting with no less than 6 doctors at one time, they sent my Mama home in order to give them time to formulate a plan.  This was due to take a week to 10 days. You can almost hear the clock going “tick-tock” on my Mom’s life, can’t you?

All the next week, I was running around taking care of my Mom, Dad, Grace and Jay. It was a tailspin. I’d clean my house, put Grace in the car, go to Mom and Dads, and clean their house. I’d change Mom’s sheets, or at least make the bed for her everyday. That made her happy and it made me happy to make her happy. She pretty much spent her days on the couch without any energy.

On July 28th, my brother happened to check my Mom’s cell phone. She had a message on there from Duke University Cancer Center. They were accepting Mom as a patient as well.  Mom was scheduled for an appointment there at 1pm on the 29th and at UNC at noon of the same day.  Decision time - we couldn’t reschedule either - no openings for weeks. We had to chose which one. After long thought, we decided with Duke University due to their high national ranking of cancer care.

The next day, Mom had done all she could to get ready for her big appointment. She had Dad shave her legs, she put on a beautiful black and white blouse that was way to large for her and she put on her sparkly white tennis shoes for the first time in days.

Mom had been getting a “yellow” tint to her throughout the week and we were getting concerned about that because it seemingly was getting worse. It was hard to tell just how jaundice she was until she walked outside to go to that doctor appointment.  I was helping her down the front steps and literally had to turn my head to hide my shock at the yellow highlight color of her eyes.

And then we were off. Dad and Mom in her car, with her laying down in the backseat and me and Buddy in my car. We had to wait for a long time at the cancer clinic and my aunt Martha and uncle Terry were there with us.  Poor Mom was so exhausted already.

Eventually, we all piled into a tiny examination room and patiently waited for the doctor to come and give us a second opinion. It was hot, tension was high and the room was full of nervous laughter, apprehensive questions and just plain old trying to make my Mama comfortable for what would be her death sentence.

Doctor came in and told us how bad off my Mom was. She had extremely elevated bilirubins from the cancer pushing against her liver and blocking her bile ducts. He would be surprised if she would ever be strong enough for chemo. In order to do chemo, her bilirubins needed to be at a 1-3 and hers were at a 21. There was 2 options - and external bag to drain the bile or an internal tube to bypass the cancer.  He told us he would try and get her on the schedule as soon as possible.

We were in the hallway. Out came the doctor. Mom and Dad were back in the room resting. My aunt, uncle and I were sitting there taking it all in. He told us that my Mom might not make it through the weekend or at best, the next couple of weeks. He had tears in his eyes. I was a mess. After talking with him, he decided that he would go ahead and admit her to Duke in Durham since she was so gravely ill. They had a room for her thankfully. The hardest part about that day for me looking back is how unbelievable strong and brave my Mom was. She was too weak to wait in a chair in the waiting room, but instead had to lay down in a extra bed in a storage room while she waited. She took off those sparkly white tennis shoes and laid down under a blanket and we just sat with her while she told us how glad she was to be staying because she wanted to get better. She never once lost hope, cried or lost her faith.

Part Two will come later - don’t want to overwhelm you or me with this!